Life's Journey

         Today, I'm consumed with thinking about God's plan and the different life journeys that we sometimes find ourselves on. My family and I have been hanging on tight for this wild ride that is our life journey as of lately.  The only constants that we have on this journey is our faith in God and our love and commitment to one another.  

       I've been blessed with a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful, amazing children.  We felt very blessed to be able to add one more child to our family.  In February, we were over the moon thrilled to find out that we would be expecting.   Shortly after, I began bleeding.  Once consulting with our doctor, we discovered that there was a significant blood clot in my uterus.  Thankfully, there was no harm to the baby.  The baby continued to grow bigger and remain healthy.  

      At the end of April, we discovered that our feisty little girl had a heart murmur. At first, we thought that there must be some sort of mistake.  Of course, we consulted with a cardiologist and multiple tests later, it was determined that Lacey had a whole in the major artery and vein in her heart.  She was officially diagnosed with Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA).  Due to her age and the strain that this was putting on her heart, corrective surgery was needed.  In June, we headed to Riley Children's Hospital to correct her PDA.  This was our first experience like this of any kind.  Our little girl handled it like...well, someone older and wiser behind her 3 years of age.  The amazing doctors and nurses took excellent care of Lacey and her surgery was perfect.  About 4 hours after surgery, we were released home to recover and spoil our baby girl until she felt better.  Well, in true Lacey form, this didn't take long.  The morning after her surgery, I took that bandage off and it was like she never had the surgery! She was dancing around the house and getting into everything as usual. The doctors said she could have more energy...and she does!  What a blessing!!  She is truly our little fighter (and princess)! 

    Her next follow up appointment isn't until August and we are sure she will receive a clean bill of health! We just couldn't help but feel so relieved and grateful that our little girl was so lucky.  This was one life journey that we never expected, but we trusted that God would keep her safe and He did.   Now, the only doctors appointments over the summer included regular appointments to check on Baby 3. 

      In June, at a scheduled ultrasound we discovered that this baby is going to be a boy! Again, we were so grateful and feeling so blessed for the gifts we have received.  Clayton and Lacey were starting to get more comfortable with the idea that there was going to be another baby.  They helped me decorate the nursery, would ask how the baby was doing, and Lacey would raise up my shirt to "tickle" the baby.  

   The summer was quickly coming to an end.  The nursery was all put together and I was starting to work in my classroom to prepare for the upcoming school year.  One morning in late July, I woke up in a puddle of water.  My first thought was that I had peed the bed...my second thought was one of panic.  I was afraid that I had leaked amniotic fluid.  After a phone call to my doctor's office, Curt and I were off to the hospital.  The whole way, I kept hoping and praying that they would send me home saying, "Gosh, Lindsay doesn't have control of her bladder...heehee."  I would have been thrilled with that...unfortunately, that was not case. After ultrasounds and tests, we discovered that my amniotic membranes had in fact ruptured.  I was only 21 weeks and 5 days pregnant. The doctors gave us a 0% chance of our baby surviving. For a pregnancy to be considered viable, the baby has to reach 24 weeks.  At my present condition, our baby boy was not developed enough to survive outside of my body.  If I was to go into labor, he would only be alive for a few hours.  I was released to go home, but was put on 100% bed rest. Other than to go to the restroom, I was to remain laying down and drink as much water as I can. Essentially, we were sent home to wait for me to go into labor. 

     That was one week ago. 

  Now, I am still pregnant, 22 weeks and 6 days.  There has been no change since last week.  I continue to be on bed rest, drinking 8 liters of water of day.  Each day, I continue  to leak amniotic fluid.  After an ultrasound this week, baby boy still seems to be doing ok, but it is unknown how he is developing. We are afraid due to the dangerously low amniotic fluid, that his lungs are 'frozen' at this stage of development.  So, now we find ourselves on another unplanned, unimaginable journey.  We are trusting in God and His plan, but to be honest, some days this is harder than others.  

     While I'm doing what I can to protect this pregnancy and Baby #3, I'm consistently struggling not being able to do all of the things for Clayton and Lacey that I used to because of the bed rest. Explaining to them about this situation was definitely hard and I didn't think I could do it without crying.  My amazing husband...which I find myself at a lose of words of how wonderful and supporting he has been and continues to be...talked with Clayton and Lacey and explained that the baby is very sick and Mommy is has to stay laying down to help him get better.  Clayton is such a sensitive little guy...he is so careful around me as to not hurt the baby.  Lacey loves with her whole being.  She snuggles right up to me on the couch to lay with me.  Clayton comes and perches close to me and with all of my babies close by I can't help but feel the faith that all will work out and God will keep us safe.  

     As we continue to travel this unexpected journey, Clayton gets ready to begin his own journey...Kindergarten. I find myself once again, putting my trust in God that we have prepared him and helped him as much as we can in order for him to be confident and independent.  This is the first step in his journey.  His first chance to make completely independent choices and deal with those consequences...I couldn't be more terrified and proud.  "They" say that having children is like having your heart walk around outside of your body....but it really is so much more than that.   At least, I will be here to witness his first days...I can't wait to hear his stories, see his excitement, and receive his hugs at the end of the day. 

  So...I find myself on this unexpected life journey.  My bags are packed with my faith in God and the love, support, and commitment from my family.  While it is a scary journey, as long as my bags are not lost, I'll be ok.